In my mind

I write frantically, looking for the right words. And write and write, words spilling from me perversely. I want words that will make you love me, not the way that you do love me, but the way that I need you to love me. I write to discover myself and lose myself.

I saw you yesterday. I saw you and could barely bring myself to look at you while at the same time wanting to drink you in. In my mind we were alone. In my mind we stood barely apart, our eyes downcast. In my mind our hands were clasped, both hands in each others, my head buried in your shoulder as I try to breathe myself into you, to become part of you. I can hear your breath, feel it on me. I release my hands from yours and place them on your chest. I let them trail down your torso, my finger tips pressed into your form as if trying to read braille, seeking meaning in your shape. I stop at your waist and slip my hands into the small of your back, leaving one there as the other runs the length of your back to your neck. In my mind my hand follows the curve of your neck and around to your jawline. It traces the stubble, the angles, the dimples, the curve of your beautiful lips. I angle my face up to yours, our eyes meeting. Our lips touch, brush against each others, parted slightly, making way for tongues. I am reserved. I hold back. In my mind I do not kiss you ardently. I am lead by you. I allow myself to be. I let your tongue probe mine, let it tease mine, let myself melt into you. In my mind I begin to undress you, button by button. I undo you, planting delicate kisses on each piece of flesh I unveil until you are standing naked before me, your clothes in an abandoned mess next to me. In my mind I do this all to you.

In my mind I am now on my knees. I run my hands up your thighs, appreciating their tautness, letting my hands move closer and closer to the object I desire. My mouth closes in on you, on your groin, in little bites and flicks of my tongue. My hands are ready, my mouth is ready to consume you. I take you slowly, lazily into my mouth. I circle you with my tongue, let my lips slide over you, down your shaft and back up. My hands grip, caress, squeeze. You're in my mouth, you groan and hold my head so gently as if to will me there not by force but by some ancient longing. I slide you in and out of my mouth, my tongue on you, my lips gripping you. I feel like I could consume you, keep you there hard and twitching inside my mouth. So I remain on you, loving you, sucking you, riding you with my mouth until you release yourself, my eyes wide, yours closed as you lose yourself in that moment. And I, I have found myself, just then, just there, with you.